10 Months....

I'm in NYC for work....it's raining and in the low 70's - a nice break from the AZ heat. The past 10 months have gone by quickly - not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. They say time heals all wounds...I disagree - who the heck is "they" anyway? I'm quite certain that my wounds will never go away.


On an upbeat note, I am thankful for the enjoyment I get from Bocci and Basil. Bocci amazes me - she will be 13 in a few weeks and is looking fabulous. She has become quite active the past month - likely because Basil keeps bugging her to play. As for Basil, she is a complete hoot. I love that she looks similar to Bailey, yet has so many different quirks. We had a bad storm hit before I left for NY. Basil was on the bed with me and could not get close enough. She does this thing where she puts her face right next to mine. Cracks me up. I often wonder how she and Bailey would have played together.


Here is one of my favorite pictures of Bailey - taken by my dear friend, Marnie, (who is an awesome photographer) :) Funny/sad story about this picture. We were just at the Vet with Basil the other day and I looked up to see this picture on the Vet's bulletin board. We sent it to the Vet when Bailey passed as a thank you. It's comforting to know that she is still "with" us where ever we go.


I miss you Bailey girl!!!

Trying Week...

Bailey would have been 11 years old yesterday....Friday marks 9 months since she passed...and Sunday is the 1 year anniversary of her spleen erupting and learning of her cancer.

I watched a bunch of her videos last night which brought a mixture of tears and smiles. I miss her like crazy. I miss her soft fur, show times, the little white dot on her ear, her silly eyebrow movements....

I found a video that made me laugh so will call it a night with the vision of Bailey destroying her pink baby.

Month Eight

I miss Bailey's quirks - she had so many funny, little habits that made me laugh every day.

Baileyism
Bailey had to be the center of attention - always. Here is a picture of her pouting (literally) because Bocci went with me for a drive while Bailey was stuck at home. Little did Bailey know, Bocci was going to the vet for a check up. I swear, Bailey wouldn't make eye contact with me for over an hour and only AFTER I tried sucking up with cuddles and treats. Miss you B - miss you every single day.

Another month

Tomorrow marks 7. I had a "conversation" with Bailey last night. Told her I was sad as my memories are fading. It used to be that I could see her face when I closed my eyes - now the images are gone and I need to look at pictures or videos. Very sad.

I thank God for Bocci and Basil. Bocci is chugging along and doing fantastic. The ol' girl will be 13 in September, but is healthier now than years past thanks to her thyroid medicine. And Basil - she SO reminds me of Bailey. Similar mannerisms, similar facial structure. There are times I look at her and swear she is a light-colored Bailey.

A few days after Bailey's passing, I called one of those pet psychics. Yeah, I know - super cheesy. But I was hurting so bad and needed something to grab onto. The psychic, Barbara, was recommended by the cancer vet so I thought there may be some validity to her story. Here are my notes from the call - many in shorthand that likely only make sense to me, but I've highlighted a few that seem to stand out.

Very sick – in abdomen and discomfort between liver
Difficult breathing in the end - Pretty uncomfortable - Getting toxic
Would not of had that decision if we waited much longer
Thank you for letting her go – says that her body got sick
Will be back soon
Lifetime bond – wasn’t a dog – stronger than a guardian – maybe human before – her soul keeps coming back
Big change in two – not sure if that meant two months or two years
She won’t be gone long – look in puppy's eyes
It will be a walk in situation – souls can exchange from one to another while waiting to find their "home"
She doesn’t want to stay away long
Very goofy
She has been sick a while - Illness may have started over a year ago
She has a tennis ball in her mouth – pain is gone – legs near the end
She loves us both very much –
Remembers going for runs – walked in the forest
Talked about being part of the marriage ceremony
She liked water
She was pampered - Felt like royalty
Toys - Red with a tail/fuzzy
Before we took her to the vet – she heard you and understood – took it to heart – she will bring some part of her when she comes back that we will recognize
She understood every word – she could feel every feeling
She thinks we are brave
Many differences between her and Bocci – lying near her – she's trying to comfort Bocci
Something about having head on the pillow
She liked to pick on Bocci - teasing
Keep an eye on Bocci
May see her by the first year
Eyes

A good friend of mine, who will always be nameless, talks of her ability to communicate with beings that have passed and/or on their way to passing. I trust her completely as she is not a BS'er. At the same time, I don't know where I stand. Sometimes I believe in reincarnation, others times I think there is no way. My point - if ever there was a chance in reincarnation, then I would feel strongly that Bailey and Basil are one. If not the same soul, than "sisters" for sure as they remind me so much of one another. The red notes above from my reading somewhat "back up" the notion that Bailey could be laying at my feet right now - giving my ankle a bath...only this time, she is much lighter in color and her name is Basil. Who knows, maybe all of this babble is only to make myself feel better. Bailey and I were so close, that if she were permanently gone (as in an angel and not coming back), I would think I would feel her presence by now...

Would love to hear your thoughts - do you believe in angels, reincarnation or something else? In the meantime, raise a toast to Bailey. Wherever she may be...she will always be my girl.

Six months

Just doesn't seem real....

I'm starting to look at urns for Bailey's ashes - so many to choose from. Several sites also provide jewelry where bits of ash can be stored inside via a tiny funnel. Decisions, decisions.

Story time
A strange thing happened on Tuesday. I took Basil for a hike up Bailey's favorite trail where I have her memorial perched by a big rock overlooking the valley. Bailey's "spot" is a bit off the trail and hidden from the typical hiker. Since it's rattlesnake season, I decided to wave Bailey's memorial hello versus going off trail in fear I would run into one of the slippery creatures. Just as we passed Bailey's spot, Basil stopped dead in her tracks and began smelling a big rock that was partially buried in the middle of the trail. Her tail instantly went between her legs and she started to shake. She looked a me with sheer fright and came running my direction....there was no way she was going past that rock. Important note - Basil typically has no fright - she is a tough cookie and very protective.My gut tells me that a rattle snake was likely sunning on the rock earlier in the day and that Basil picked up the scent. She did go through one session of snake training a few weeks ago and has a follow up session tomorrow. While her reaction could have easily been from what she learned a few weeks ago, my "physical" response was incredibly odd. When this all happened, my entire body filled with goosebumps - face, arms, legs...I was covered. I just had this "sense" that there was more to it - that Bailey was there and warning us not to go forward. Perhaps it is a coincidence, but my gut tells me Bailey was there....

Picture of Basil on the hike - love the yellow flowers!



Picture of thirsty Bailey after hiking the same trail:

A Picture Says 1000 Words

As silly as this may sound, I'm not sure whether to cry or smile at the below picture. It was snapped today in my office...I turned to find Basil snuggled up on Bailey's bed which has been laying empty for 4 months and 15 days.

Basil and I are off for a hike now - we'll be sure to stop by Bailey's memorial to say hello....if only she were here to hike with us.

Survey says....

I found the below on Pawnation - interesting stuff:

89 percent say their pooches are more excited to greet them when they come home than their significant others
89 percent believe there have been moments when their dogs tried to comfort them in times of need
74 percent think their dog's body language or facial expressions let them know how their pet is feeling
72 percent prefer to blow off steam by taking a walk with their dogs than with a close companion
70 percent believe they have "shared a look" with their dogs on at least one occasion
69 percent believe their pooches know when they are feeling happy
67 percent believe their pups sense anger
67 percent confess that when they travel, they're more likely to feel guilty about leaving their dogs behind than family and friends
62 percent believe that their dogs are more dependable than their human best friends
58 percent think their dogs know when they're sad
41 percent say that their furry friend is more likely to "notice" they've had a bad day than their best human friend
34 percent report that at least once, they've had an entire "conversation" with their dogs without saying a word
9 percent say they know exactly what their pooch is thinking