The past few weeks have been bitter sweet for me. We finally finished our new home - a three year project since the time we purchased the land. We've got most of the boxes unpacked and are settling into our routine - but something is missing. Bailey should be here - running through the house, jumping in the pool and rolling in the grass. She was such a big part of the construction and was here with me almost daily as the house was going up. She would love it - the views are amazing and there are loads of hiking trails right outside our door. The neighbors have two friendly dogs and I know Bailey and Lexy would hit it off immediately.
I suppose I'm extra sad as I had a dream about Bailey last night - the first in a long, long time. I wish it was the kind of dream where you wake up and wonder, "was that real" - but it wasn't. I woke with an empty feeling as I was trying to protect her from falling off a ledge.
Moving from the rental was also an odd feeling - at least there, I could sit next to Bailey's favorite spots and feel a bit close to her.
Here is a picture of Bailey at the new house - it was her last visit - I'm so glad she had a beautiful sunset to enjoy.
My wife and I have had some miscarriages that have devastated us. We thought for a long time that we could make the pain go away, but it really doesn't. We had to accept the fact that they are a part of us now, a part of who we are, and it will never "go away". When you love someone as much as you loved Bailey, unfortunately it never goes away. I don't know if it applies in your case or not, but I bring it up only because I used to get angry at myself for still feeling depressed or sad about those losses in the past, but I've learned to embrace them as a time for me to remember someone that I dearly loved. It's a way to never forget what they meant to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that Bailey is not there for you to frollick with in the new house. No doubt she remembers her wonderful life with you!