Why is it that the "firsts" always get to us? The first month, the first Christmas, the first birthday...the first anniversary. I suppose one way of coping is to mark the milestones and to morn a little deeper on those days so that the days in-between can be a bit easier.
We woke this morning and watched a ton of Bailey videos. I started with the most recent - about 2 days before she passed and worked myself backward to the videos before she fell ill. I wanted to end with happy thoughts and remember the world as it was when Bailey was full of life and healthy.
This afternoon, we hiked with Basil to Bailey's spot on the mountain near our house. It is here that I spent many moments going through the stages of grief. A few short hours after Bailey passed, I hiked up this mountain and found a special spot off the beaten track where I could come to escape. I placed a picture of us under a big rock to protect it from the weather and animals. Over the past year, Mother Nature and the animals have swiped little trinkets left for Bailey. Two things still remain, a cheesy butterfly glow stick and our picture ~ albeit a bit warn from the sun and rain. I cracked a smile today noticing that a sliver of Bailey's hair is still submerged in the frame.
It's amazing that a four-legged creature could capture our hearts like Bailey did. I miss her as much today as the day she left. I hope she knows how much she was and is loved.
XOXO Bailey ~ I love you.
Picture from our visit to Bailey's spot 10/23/10
Right before I hit the 1 year mark of Sparky's passing, I started to somewhat look forward to it, mainly because it would mean the end to all the "firsts". When Sparky's day came and went, I was relieved, even though it brought a good deal of pain too. Things have been so different since. My heart still aches, just not as deeply. I tend to remember the good things now, rather than the days right before the end. I have finally been able to vacuum his spot in front of the TV ... that was big, really big, and it took 14 months to get here. It feels good now, because part of me believes that I am exactly where my lil guy would want me to be. I think that's how it works ... you know? Eventually they do want us to get well and stop mourning so much ... They'd rather have us remember the good times than be stuck in eternal heartache.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the other side Bridget. Don't feel guilty for feeling better ... They are smiling with us from above :)