Another month

Tomorrow marks 7. I had a "conversation" with Bailey last night. Told her I was sad as my memories are fading. It used to be that I could see her face when I closed my eyes - now the images are gone and I need to look at pictures or videos. Very sad.

I thank God for Bocci and Basil. Bocci is chugging along and doing fantastic. The ol' girl will be 13 in September, but is healthier now than years past thanks to her thyroid medicine. And Basil - she SO reminds me of Bailey. Similar mannerisms, similar facial structure. There are times I look at her and swear she is a light-colored Bailey.

A few days after Bailey's passing, I called one of those pet psychics. Yeah, I know - super cheesy. But I was hurting so bad and needed something to grab onto. The psychic, Barbara, was recommended by the cancer vet so I thought there may be some validity to her story. Here are my notes from the call - many in shorthand that likely only make sense to me, but I've highlighted a few that seem to stand out.

Very sick – in abdomen and discomfort between liver
Difficult breathing in the end - Pretty uncomfortable - Getting toxic
Would not of had that decision if we waited much longer
Thank you for letting her go – says that her body got sick
Will be back soon
Lifetime bond – wasn’t a dog – stronger than a guardian – maybe human before – her soul keeps coming back
Big change in two – not sure if that meant two months or two years
She won’t be gone long – look in puppy's eyes
It will be a walk in situation – souls can exchange from one to another while waiting to find their "home"
She doesn’t want to stay away long
Very goofy
She has been sick a while - Illness may have started over a year ago
She has a tennis ball in her mouth – pain is gone – legs near the end
She loves us both very much –
Remembers going for runs – walked in the forest
Talked about being part of the marriage ceremony
She liked water
She was pampered - Felt like royalty
Toys - Red with a tail/fuzzy
Before we took her to the vet – she heard you and understood – took it to heart – she will bring some part of her when she comes back that we will recognize
She understood every word – she could feel every feeling
She thinks we are brave
Many differences between her and Bocci – lying near her – she's trying to comfort Bocci
Something about having head on the pillow
She liked to pick on Bocci - teasing
Keep an eye on Bocci
May see her by the first year
Eyes

A good friend of mine, who will always be nameless, talks of her ability to communicate with beings that have passed and/or on their way to passing. I trust her completely as she is not a BS'er. At the same time, I don't know where I stand. Sometimes I believe in reincarnation, others times I think there is no way. My point - if ever there was a chance in reincarnation, then I would feel strongly that Bailey and Basil are one. If not the same soul, than "sisters" for sure as they remind me so much of one another. The red notes above from my reading somewhat "back up" the notion that Bailey could be laying at my feet right now - giving my ankle a bath...only this time, she is much lighter in color and her name is Basil. Who knows, maybe all of this babble is only to make myself feel better. Bailey and I were so close, that if she were permanently gone (as in an angel and not coming back), I would think I would feel her presence by now...

Would love to hear your thoughts - do you believe in angels, reincarnation or something else? In the meantime, raise a toast to Bailey. Wherever she may be...she will always be my girl.

Six months

Just doesn't seem real....

I'm starting to look at urns for Bailey's ashes - so many to choose from. Several sites also provide jewelry where bits of ash can be stored inside via a tiny funnel. Decisions, decisions.

Story time
A strange thing happened on Tuesday. I took Basil for a hike up Bailey's favorite trail where I have her memorial perched by a big rock overlooking the valley. Bailey's "spot" is a bit off the trail and hidden from the typical hiker. Since it's rattlesnake season, I decided to wave Bailey's memorial hello versus going off trail in fear I would run into one of the slippery creatures. Just as we passed Bailey's spot, Basil stopped dead in her tracks and began smelling a big rock that was partially buried in the middle of the trail. Her tail instantly went between her legs and she started to shake. She looked a me with sheer fright and came running my direction....there was no way she was going past that rock. Important note - Basil typically has no fright - she is a tough cookie and very protective.My gut tells me that a rattle snake was likely sunning on the rock earlier in the day and that Basil picked up the scent. She did go through one session of snake training a few weeks ago and has a follow up session tomorrow. While her reaction could have easily been from what she learned a few weeks ago, my "physical" response was incredibly odd. When this all happened, my entire body filled with goosebumps - face, arms, legs...I was covered. I just had this "sense" that there was more to it - that Bailey was there and warning us not to go forward. Perhaps it is a coincidence, but my gut tells me Bailey was there....

Picture of Basil on the hike - love the yellow flowers!



Picture of thirsty Bailey after hiking the same trail:

A Picture Says 1000 Words

As silly as this may sound, I'm not sure whether to cry or smile at the below picture. It was snapped today in my office...I turned to find Basil snuggled up on Bailey's bed which has been laying empty for 4 months and 15 days.

Basil and I are off for a hike now - we'll be sure to stop by Bailey's memorial to say hello....if only she were here to hike with us.

Survey says....

I found the below on Pawnation - interesting stuff:

89 percent say their pooches are more excited to greet them when they come home than their significant others
89 percent believe there have been moments when their dogs tried to comfort them in times of need
74 percent think their dog's body language or facial expressions let them know how their pet is feeling
72 percent prefer to blow off steam by taking a walk with their dogs than with a close companion
70 percent believe they have "shared a look" with their dogs on at least one occasion
69 percent believe their pooches know when they are feeling happy
67 percent believe their pups sense anger
67 percent confess that when they travel, they're more likely to feel guilty about leaving their dogs behind than family and friends
62 percent believe that their dogs are more dependable than their human best friends
58 percent think their dogs know when they're sad
41 percent say that their furry friend is more likely to "notice" they've had a bad day than their best human friend
34 percent report that at least once, they've had an entire "conversation" with their dogs without saying a word
9 percent say they know exactly what their pooch is thinking

Five Months

Time is flying by like crazy. It seems like just yesterday we took the long drive to Wilcox with Bailey to pick out Basil. I'm thankful the two of them had a chance to meet - especially since they come from the same gene pool. Bailey's sister from a younger litter is Basil's mom.

Basil is absolutely huge - she turned 6 months last week and already weighs 48 pounds. She stands taller than Bocci and has the paws of a bear. Knocking on wood as I type this, but Basil is a really good pup. She minds well and has only destroyed one minor thing - a computer mouse. She is a complete watch dog which is far different from Bocci and Bailey who rarely let out a bark. I keep calling Basil my "Tom-Dog" - last week she alerted us to a mouse in the house and over the weekend, she found a rattle snake in the back yard. (hmmmm - maybe I need to rethink this house)

I have to admit, I had a really, really hard time when we first brought Basil home. The passing of Bailey was so fresh and emotionally I wasn't ready to start loving another pup. Had we not planned on Basil long before Bailey got sick, I would have waited longer to pick out another pup. With Basil being from the same family as Bailey, it seemed like the right thing to do and now I wouldn't have it any other way. Every once in awhile, Basil will do certain things that remind us of Bailey. Last night, she was doing "showtime" on the bed - growl included.

I miss my Bailey girl like crazy and pray I will get the chance to be with her again some day.

Here is a picture from the day that Bailey and Basil met.

Four Months

It's hard to believe it's been 4 months. I miss my sweet Bailey girl as much today as I did the moment we said goodbye. I saw rainbows on both Saturday and Sunday and I tell myself that it's Bailey's way of saying hello.

I often wonder what Bocci thinks....does she remember Bailey? Does she (or any pup for that matter) have the ability to miss someone or something after several months? I suppose we'll never know for sure, but I'd like to think that Bocci has fond memories of her sister.

A note on Bocci - I am so excited about her health. It wasn't long ago that we thought we were going to lose her. Along with other issues, she had a Pancreatitis and went almost two weeks without eating a thing. She has been on thyroid medicine for three months and has lost several pounds. Her coat is soft again and her energy level has increased greatly - you would never know she is a 12 1/2 year old pup.

Here is a picture of the girls playing together back in 2007.


I miss you Bailey - I miss everything about you.

Bitter Sweet Move

The past few weeks have been bitter sweet for me. We finally finished our new home - a three year project since the time we purchased the land. We've got most of the boxes unpacked and are settling into our routine - but something is missing. Bailey should be here - running through the house, jumping in the pool and rolling in the grass. She was such a big part of the construction and was here with me almost daily as the house was going up. She would love it - the views are amazing and there are loads of hiking trails right outside our door. The neighbors have two friendly dogs and I know Bailey and Lexy would hit it off immediately.

I suppose I'm extra sad as I had a dream about Bailey last night - the first in a long, long time. I wish it was the kind of dream where you wake up and wonder, "was that real" - but it wasn't. I woke with an empty feeling as I was trying to protect her from falling off a ledge.

Moving from the rental was also an odd feeling - at least there, I could sit next to Bailey's favorite spots and feel a bit close to her.

Here is a picture of Bailey at the new house - it was her last visit - I'm so glad she had a beautiful sunset to enjoy.