Faith

I contemplated writing about faith last week, but knew I was in an ugly place so the message would come out distorted. I was raised Catholic and my folks are very religious - especially mom who goes to mass throughout the week and/or watches it on TV. Without getting into a deep conversation, I'll just leave it that I have spent the majority of my life believing in God, Heaven and Angels. I also believed in Spirits coming to visit, but have been torn about reincarnation.

Since Bailey's passing, my beliefs have been challenged to the max - especially last week. I recall driving home from somewhere and screaming at the top of my lungs that I did not believe in anything - not God - not Heaven - nothing. I'm pretty sure I was throwing a tantrum and was hoarse for several hours following. I was in the frame of mind that once you died your body was extinguished and that was it - nothing more. I was definitely in the "anger" stage and was not sure if I would ever come out.

Thanks to a special friend (you know who you are), I was able to calm down and look at things a bit different. This person explained that God was hurt and upset along with me and that it was 'nature' that took Bailey from me - not God. We also talked about the ability for spirits (humans and animals) to visit after they have passed. I'm thankful that I found peace in that conversation and have since been far more calm about Bailey's passing (still can't say the "D" word). I am beyond hurt, sad and miss her every second - but the anger has decreased and my focus has switched to hoping that I see my beautiful Bailey again.

Baileyism
Bailey hated it when I would stand with my arms crossed or my hands on my hips. I suppose she knew that meant trouble. Often, she would bark at me until I'd release the pose and yes, just as many times, I would stand with my arms folded purely to get a rise out of her. She was so much fun to tease! This picture was taken when Bailey was a pup - likely less than a year old. Based on her feet and mouth being covered in mud, I bet the "pose" came out followed by a bark or two.