I'm so distraught - we tried to do everything right. She loves life so much it's just not fair to take her away from this world- away from me. Just yesterday, I was laying in bed with her holding paws (it's one of our things) and I was telling her that I needed her to be here with me when the big 4-0 hits next April. I was telling her about all the fun things we would be doing between now and then from bringing home her new baby sister to the parents coming for a visit and the upcoming holidays. I also told her I needed her to be in the new house so I could "feel" her presence even when she was gone. What am I going to do. The thought of losing her brings me to the floor.
I was waiting to share this news at a later date, but now may be the time. We put down a deposit for another puppy about 6 weeks ago. One of Bailey's younger siblings (same mom and dad as Bailey - but younger litter) had puppies a few weeks ago. We are to pick out the puppy on Halloween and planned to take Bailey with us to help make the choice. We wanted Bailey to help raise the puppy and teach her all of the silly things - like showtime and prancy prance. We have a name all set - Basil - as the first syllable is similar to Bailey. This is tough. Now that we know Bailey's time is limited (we are praying for a month), I don't want to take one ounce of attention away from her. At the same time, I want Basil to pick up Bailey's habit of following me from room to room...and a million other things.
As for Bailey's treatment, we did not do chemo today. It's obvious the Dox is not working for her so now need to put her through the dosage. We have upped her intake of Yunnan (pill that stops bleeding) and will start her on oral chemo tomorrow. The oral chemo is from France and considered experimental for Bailey's type of cancer (it does well for mass cell tumors). It is supposed to be easy on the GI tract with minimal side effects. If she has bad side effects, we will stop all together, but feel it's important to give this one last try.
Here is a picture from the vet today with Joe and I holding Bailey's paws before the ultrasound. Please keep her in your prayers.
Baileyism
Bailey is so gentle with other dogs. Regardless of the size, she will lay down flat on the ground and roll over to a submissive position. While this may be typical when meeting a big dog, it's comical to see Bailey do this when running into a chiwawa. I wish I would of had the video camera a few weeks ago when Bailey scooted for 5 feet (while laying flat on the floor) to say hi to a wiener dog. It is truly priceless. Here is a picture from Bailey and a new friend - note Bailey's typical position. One other funny thing, Bailey is submissive with other dogs, but not Bocci -no way. In this house, Bailey is the Alpba dog followed by Joe or I then Bocci.
My heart is breaking as I read this, Bridget. I am so very, very sorry. Nothing anyone can say is going to make you feel better now, except that Bailey loves you so much that she probably didn't want to show that things weren't okay lately. My Sparky did the same thing. And I too didn't understand why and how, especially since he was full of life and love. Sometimes we don't get to find out the answers. Sometimes things are just meant to be ... I know this doesn't help, but maybe it helps that your little girl doesn't really understand your sadness. See, dogs live life differently. They live it day to day. They are not concerned about what tomorrow will look like or how much they will miss us. All they know is that we are here, in front of them, ready to be loved. It's going to be difficult to ignore the prognosis, but try to move along, do as you normally would do, because she doesn't know it any other way... Just try to be strong. Words cannot describe how very sorry I am ... it tears me apart, but I truly hope that you'll be strong enough to enjoy those last weeks (and maybe even months) with your girl as much as you can...
ReplyDeleteIf you need a shoulder to cry on, complain, rant, do whatever - I am here for you. This will be a tough time, but know you are not alone in this. We are all here, praying for you both.
(You can email me anytime for anything: mareike.schmidt@cox.net)
I don't know what to say, my heart is broken. From the time I met you, you always talked about Bocci and Bailey, pictures everywhere.
ReplyDeleteBailey wanted a nice weekend with mama. My Maggie did the same thing. She is telling you it is time to open your loving hearts to her sister, Basil. She knows how fortunate she is to have you and Joe. She also wants you to be strong for Bocci and each other. It is important for her to know it's okay to go. Just hold her, love her, and tell her mama and daddy are here and if she wants to fall asleep peacefully and cross over to The Rainbow Bridge. You have a chance to create lasting memories that are good and not filled with illness, medicine, and needles. It is time to put those things aside and make each second count.
Don't worry about tomorrow-love her, yourself, and each other exactly as you are right now at this
moment.
Please call or e-mail if you need anything. My heart and prayers are with you all.
Love,
Sherri
SherriFoxworthy@hotmail.com
310-866-7211
Tears overcome me as I write this-from one mama to another-overwhelming sadness, anger, grief. Why our children? We would do anything to have them with us forever, knowing full well that is not an option.